I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
worst night to have a conscience
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
