dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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