Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
