Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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