My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
