the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
