So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm at about main and main street
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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