he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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