My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
