my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
