Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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