Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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