"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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