My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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