she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
