I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
