My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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