Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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