If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
