There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
