we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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