; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
