she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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