My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
