He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
