Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
