it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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