my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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