Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
