she woke up with a sticky ear
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
