my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Someone came in the potted fern
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
