I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i barfeds in our rink
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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