Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
