Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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