Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
