i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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