How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
