you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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