She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
