You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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