Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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