We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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