weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
