Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
