i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
honey bunches of taint.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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