omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
