I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my shit smells like andre
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
