Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
