This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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