i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
