you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
