I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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