Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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