Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize