whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
