ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
not ubering you a puppy
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
