I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
