I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
