bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
