I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
