just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
