And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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