ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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